The biggest collection of funny fat joke one-liners to make some serious laughs. This hilarious compilation of fat jokes can be used in various situations to create laugher with friends, at work, or even at a bar! So get ready to tickle that funny, fat bone with these fat jokes.
Table of Contents
Sayings
Life is like a box of chocolates; it ends sooner for fat people.
You never hear skinny people saying, “I’m just small-boned.”
Square meals often make round people.
It’s easy to distract fat people; it’s a piece of cake.
Food
Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself… a piece of cake.
Stressed spelled backward is desserts.
Music teacher: ‘What’s your favorite musical instrument?’
Fat kid: ‘The lunch bell.’
Fat people are lucky – they get to eat whatever they want and not worry about getting fat.
Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.
I don’t buy fat-free milk because I don’t want to contribute to cows having body issues.
We shouldn’t make fun of fat people because they already have enough on their plates.
Two or More
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
Relationships are like fat people. Most of them don’t work out.
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Do you travel as one person or do you get a party rate of ten?
The Body
I love my six packs so much that I have protected it with layers of fat.
Fat: Energy gone to waist.
You’re so fat that the only way you can fit your whole body into a photo is to use panorama.
Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever.
I’m in shape. Unfortunately, it’s the wrong one.
The best way to lose weight is to eat naked in front of a mirror.
You know you’re getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.
You’re fat. It’s not because it runs in the family, you’re fat because nobody runs in your family.
You have enough fat to make another human.
Little things start to change in your life — like your socks start to get tight.
Fat Chin Jokes
You have more chins than Chinatown.
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
I always try to encourage fat people. So keep your chins up.
About Fat Women
How do you seduce a fat woman? Piece of cake.
Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?”
Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
Your mama so fat, when you kill her you got a 5 kill streak.
Behind every fat woman, there is a beautiful woman. No seriously, you’re in the way.
Outside every thin woman is a fat man trying to get in.
She’s so fat that she ran down the street chasing a yellow school bus thinking it was the largest twinkey ever.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Yo momma so fat she has more rolls than a bakery.
She’s so fat, she fell down and rocked herself to sleep trying to get up!
Is she fat? … Her favorite food is seconds.
She is so fat… she broke the family tree.
She is so fat… at the zoo, the elephants throw peanuts at her.
She is so fat… when she takes a shower her feet don’t get wet.
My ex-girlfriend told me nothing shocks her anymore so I switched her digital scale from Lbs to Kg.
About Fat Men
Why did God create gay men? So fat girls could dance.
He is so fat… he has group insurance.
He is so fat… when his beeper goes off, people think he’s backing up.
He is so fat… he had his own area code.
He is so fat… his high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
He’s so fat his bathtub has stretch marks.
He is so fat… when he steps on a scale, it reads “one at a time, please.”
He is so fat… he’s on both sides of the family.
He is so fat… he can’t even jump to a conclusion.
Dieting Jokes
What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet? A desserter.
Diet Day #1 – I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
Sometimes I go into the fitting room with jeans three sizes too big so I can feel what it’s like to succeed at a diet.
Diet Coke: Making people feel better about ordering two Big Macs and a large fry since 1982.
Why did the lady wear a helmet every time she ate? She was on a crash diet!
Exercising Jokes
I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym again today. That’s seven years in a row now.
My New Year’s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
I keep trying to lose weight… but it keeps finding me.
Sex
Missionary Impossible: When 2 fat people try to have sex.
You’re so fat that your husband rolled over after sex, rolled over again and was STILL on top of you.
Social Media
Facebook memories are a great way to see how fat you’ve gotten.
What Do You Think?
Did you find these fat jokes to be funny? Have any good ones to share? Comment below with your best fat joke one-liners!
