We’ve compiled 101 of the best, really funny blonde jokes that even your blonde friends will laugh. These jokes may not be sophisticated and joke poke fun at the stereotypical ditzy blonde person.
Table of Contents
1. What’s Blonde and dead in a closet?
The Hide and Seek Champion from 1995.
2. How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in their ear.
3. What did the blonde say when someone blew in her ear?
Thanks for the refill.
4. Do blondes suffer from headaches? No. Why not?
No brain, no pain!
5. Why don’t blondes get sick very often?
Viruses and bacteria also have their pride!
6. What do you call a blonde girl with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
7. How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
Ask her to count the stairs on an escalator.
8. Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, “It’s dark in here isn’t it?”The other replied, “I don’t know; I can’t see.”
9. How do you confuse a blonde?
That is impossible. They’re already born that way.
10. Why is it more convenient to park with a blonde in the car?
You can park in a disabled place.
11. What do a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
They’re both empty from the neck up.
12. Why is it wrong to say “a dumb blonde”?
Because you don’t say “a dead corpse” either, do you?
13. What should you do if a blonde tosses a grenade at you?
Pull out the pin and throw it back.
14. Why can’t a blonde dial 911?
She can’t find the eleven.
15. Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio?
She didn’t want one for nights.
16. Why would it take too long to build a blonde snowman?
You would spend too much time hollowing out the head.
17. Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets?
So they don’t wake up the sleeping pills.
18. How do you keep a blonde busy?
Write “flip” on both sides of a sheet of paper.
19. How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day?
Hand her a bottle of shampoo that says “lather, rinse, repeat.”
20. Why did the blonde get so excited about finishing a jigsaw puzzle in six months?
Because the box said it was for “2 to 4 years.”
21. What did the blonde say after glimpsing a box of Cheerios?
“OMG! Donut seeds!”
22. What’s every blonde’s dream in life?
To be like Vanna White and actually learn the alphabet.
23. Why did the blonde put condoms on her ears?
To avoid getting hearing AIDS.
24. One blonde says to the other: “I did a pregnancy test.”
The other nods appreciatively and asks, “And, were the questions really hard?”
25. How do you confuse a blonde?
You don’t. They’re born that way.
26. Why do blondes make awful bank robbers?
Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.
27. Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
She was desperately trying to make up her mind.
28. Why couldn’t the blonde dial 911?
She couldn’t find the eleven.
29. Why’d the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing out all the W’s.
30. Why do blondes hold their hands tightly over their ears?
Because they’re desperately trying to hold in thought.
31. What would you call a clever blonde?
A golden retriever.
32. What do you call a blonde who dyed her hair black?
Artificial intelligence.
33: What do you call a blonde who has half a brain?
Gifted!
34. What do you call a blonde girl standing between two guys?
A mental block.
35. How do you know if a blonde’s been using your computer?
You’ll find Wite-Out all over the screen.
36. Why do blondes love boob jobs?
It’s really the only job they’re qualified for.
37. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
“I wonder if it’s mine.”
38. Why do blondes stare at orange juice containers for hours on end?
Because they say “concentrate.”
39. Why did the blonde put her iPad in the blender?
She was trying to make apple juice.
40. How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
41. Why don’t blondes talk during sex?
Their moms taught them never to speak to strangers.
42. Three blondes walk into a building.
You’d think at least one of them would’ve seen it.
43. How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a circle and tell her to sit in the corner.
44. What do screen doors and blondes have in common?
The more you bang them, the looser they get.
45. What do you call a blond with an actual brain?
A golden retriever.
46. Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar?
Someone told her drinks were on the house.
47. What’s the difference between a pregnant blonde and a lightbulb?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
48. What do blondes do when their laptop freezes?
Microwave them.
49. Why is it a bad idea to let a blonde girl skydive when she’s on her period?
She always pulls the wrong string.
50. What should you do when a blonde tosses a pin at you?
Run! She has a hand grenade in her mouth.
51. What do you call it when one blonde blows in another blonde’s ear?
Data transfer.
52. Why did God create blondes?
So there’d be somebody to fetch beer.
53. Why did God create brunettes?
Because the blondes were failing at it miserably.
54. Why was the blonde running in circles around her bed?
She was trying to catch up on her sleep.
55. What about the blonde who gave birth to twins?
Her husband is out looking for the other man.
56. Did you hear about the dead blonde in the closet?
She was last year’s hide and seek a winner.
57. Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.
58. How do you brainwash a blonde?
Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
59. How do you drown a blonde?
Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
60. How do you drown a blonde?
Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
61. What do you call a blonde with a brand new PC?
Dumb terminal.
62. Why are blonde jokes so easy to understand?
So brunettes can understand them.
63. How did the blond burn her ear?
The phone rang while she was ironing.
64. How does a blonde make instant pudding?
She places the box in the microwave and looks for the “instant pudding setting” button.
65. Did you hear about the blonde that went to the library and checked out a book called “How to Hug”?
When she got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopedia.
66. What do you call 24 blondes in a cardboard box?
A case of empties.
67. Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
68. Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
To get chocolate milk.
69. What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: “Oh look! Donut seeds!”
70. How can you get a blonde to laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
71. What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A thought.
72. How do you get a blonde on the roof?
Tell her drinks are on the house.
73. Why couldn’t the blonde make ice cubes?
She forgot the ingredients.
74. Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
75. What does a blonde owl say?
What, what?
76. Why don’t blondes eat bananas?
They can’t find the zipper.
77. What’s the mating call of the blonde?
“I’m *sooo* drunk!”
78. What’s the difference between a blonde having her period and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
79. How do dumb blonde brain cells die?
Alone.
80. What does an intelligent blonde and a UFO have in common?
No matter how often you hear about them, you never see one.
81. What do you call a blonde with a 50 I.Q.?
Gifted.
82. What did the dumb blonde say to the doctor when she found out she was pregnant?
“Are you sure it’s mine?”
83. Why do blondes drive VW’s?
Because none of them can spell Porsche.
84. What do blondes and dog poop have in common?
The older they get, the easier it is to pick them up.
85. Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
86. Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
Toes go in first!
87. How does a blonde high-five?
She smacks herself in the forehead.
88. How does a blonde drown a fish?
She puts it in the water!
89. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde’s head?
A Space Invader.
90. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the handicap zone.
91. What are the worst six years in a blonde’s life?
Third Grade!
92. Why are blondes so easy to get into bed?
Who cares?
93. What do you give the blonde that has everything?
Penicillin.
94. What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
Nice tits!
95. Why do blondes love boob jobs?
It’s really the only job they’re qualified for.
96. How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a circle and tell her to sit in the corner.
97. Why can’t you tell blondes knock-knock jokes?
Because they go answer the door.
98. What do you call a couple of blondes in the front seat of a car?
Air Bags.
99. What do you call a blond with a Chainsaw?
Dead.
100. What did the blonde call her pet zebra?
Spot.
101. How do you make a one-arm blonde fall out of a tree?
Wave to her!
