Deadbeat dads, it’s time to step up and be a real man. Here are deadbeat dad jokes that will drive the point in your next conversation about these so-called “men.” After reading these jokes and puns, these daddy issues may be a laughing matter (jokingly, of course).
Q: What do a hardware store and a deadbeat dad have in common?
A: Screws, nuts, and bolts.
I have a joke about deadbeat dads… but they don’t seem to stick around.
Q: What is the difference between the pizza guy, and my dad?
A: The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn’t gotten back to me.
Q: Why do so many deadbeat dads love to play poker?
A: It’s the only time they can call or raise anyone without feeling obligated to follow through.
Communism is like a deadbeat dad. No matter how much it could potentially do, it never works.
Jesus is a deadbeat dad. Said he’d be coming back soon 2,000 years ago and we’re still waiting.
Spring is like a deadbeat dad It keeps promising it’ll be there, but never shows up
My deadbeat dad is unemployed. Not suitable for work? Yeah, all the companies he got fired from thinking so.
Q: What do you call headphones that walk out on their children?
A: Deadbeats (Dre. Beats).
Q: What do you call a masturbating zombie?
A: A deadbeat.
The McRib is the deadbeat dad of fast-food sandwiches. It disappears for months at a time and then we’re supposed to get all excited when it shows back up again.
Q: How many deadbeat dads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I wouldn’t know, mine’s never around.
(Alternately: “Well, he went out to get one…”)
A circle trying to convince a deadbeat dad to attend his son’s game: Sir, come for Ence.
Q: What’s the difference between a deadbeat dad and a robot?
A: One nut and bolts and the other is nuts and bolts.
Kid: “There is too much cheese on this pizza.”
Dad: “I think you have grater problems than that!”
A valve is like a deadbeat dad… They both do well on creating but suck at taking care of the offspring.
Q: My friend just died while masturbating.
A: He was a real deadbeat.
Sometimes I’ll write the setup for a really good pun but just get bored and give up… I’ve been accused of being a deadbeat dad-joker
Like a deadbeat stepfather, this isn’t going to work.
Deadbeat dads don’t pay child support. They minimize their taxable income to cheat their kids.
I’m horrified of my zombie children If I kill them, I’ll be called a deadbeat dad.
Is Jesus perfect? Honor your father and mother? He disrespected Joseph, his legal adopted Dad, a lot by hanging out with his deadbeat birth father.
Did you know Stevie Wonder is a dead-beat dad? He never sees his kids
Deadbeat dads, may your Father’s Day be as free of parental responsibility as every other day of the year.
Deadbeat dads are like magicians, they pull lifetime disappearing acts.
Q: How many deadbeat dads does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I don’t know. My neither mom usually does it.
What Do You Think?
What do you think about these deadbeat dad jokes? Are there any jokes on this list that are missing? Let us know a good one, and we’ll post it on here! Or, you can tell us the name of a deadbeat dad so everyone can know. Here’s to you dad.
Happen to have a great father? Why not show your love with some of these funny gifts.